10 sure-fire ways to dampen a first date

My ex was such an idiot!
Bringing up an ex is never a good idea at the beginning of a relationship, especially when you only have nasty things to say. Your date might think you’re ultra critical and be wary of wanting to see you again. Similarly, you don’t want the date to end up being a therapy session.
We never had lamb like this in Pentonville
Making reference to a criminal past - or even a slightly shady one - is unlikely to go down well when you don’t know each other. Even if you’ve turned your life around and there’s a good explanation for your misdemeanors, it’s best to leave the shocking revelations until you’ve proven how lovely you are now!
Now let me tell you more about me…
It’s one of the first rules of dating. Ask lots of questions, preferably open ones, and don’t dominate the conversation by harping on about yourself. We don’t doubt you’re fascinating, but showing interest in your companion is flattering and means you save some of your witty anecdotes for future dates.
I can’t stay long - got another date later
If you’re playing the field, you don’t have to pretend this is your first date in a decade. In fact, sharing funny stories about dating can be a great way to break the ice. But don’t give the impression that this current date is just one of a long string of such encounters. Everyone wants to feel special, after all!
You can have my tomatoes. They give me terrible wind
Amusing tales about embarrassing bodily functions are fine when you’re backpacking around the world. But steer clear when you’re on a first date. Maintaining a mystique is no bad thing, and you don’t want to put your companion off their food...

I’ve been to this bar before - for Gwyneth Paltrow’s birthday
Name-dropping is likely to annoy rather than impress. Any obvious bragging - about who you know, how much money you have or your killer qualifications - is just going to put your date’s back up, unless that’s the sole reason they’re interested in you. There’s no need to hide your plus points, but crowbarring them into the conversation just screams ‘desperate’.
I just got wolf-whistled!
Yes, you’re hot, but your date can already see that. Stressing how attractive you are will make you seem arrogant or, worse still, insecure. Plus, if you’re too interested in what your date is saying to notice all the extra attention you’re getting from the rest of the room, they’ll be doubly sure they’ve got a cracker on their hands.
I hate my job/my landlord/this town
We all need a good moan now and again, but you risk coming across as negative if you do it on a first date. And unless it comes with a host of hilarious tales, you may end up boring your companion. So save the rants for your next night out with pals, and keep the moaning to a minimum until you know each other better.
Must you order the most expensive thing on the menu?
If you’ve offered to pay, don’t spoil the gesture by criticizing your date’s menu choices. It will make you seem miserly. Best to work out what you can afford, and choose your venue accordingly.
This Malbec is earthy, with hints of oak and leathery undertones...
Showing off about food and wine risks sounding pretentious. It might also bore the socks off your date, particularly when they want to get stuck in and just drink that Malbec. You can impress them with your knowledge by taking them wine tasting next time.